Onegai, Senpai
by juliagulia1017
Summary: [ON HIATUS] Hinata wanted to learn how to be a suitable lover for Naruto, but with overprotective Hiashi and Neji in the way, and her friends out of town, who else can she turn to for help? Uchiha Sasuke, pleasure expert, at your service! OOC SasuHina
1. Her problem

_This is my first attempt at lime... and perchance there will be some lemon in later chapters, provided that y'all like them cracky smut fics!_

_Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. Not to me. Because if I owned them all, I definitely wouldn't make "Naruto" suitable for little kiddies... heh heh heh!_

_And as it was mentioned above, this is a crack-fic, so characters will be OOC. **If OOC-ness isn't your cup of tea, scurry off, please!** If you like it, review. If you don't... well, just mosey on. **I don't like flames. **_

_And, uh... Hiashi will be **nice **to Hinata in this fic. He will behave as any overprotective father should. Hiashi is capable of random shit, especially when I'm typing away behind the keyboard._

_One more thing... some of the other stories I'm working on are kind of on hiatus. Yeah. Oopsie! Did I say that? Why, yes I did! Sorry... my mind is taking a walk on the road of life..._

_Here is "Onegai, Senpai". _

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_Chapter 1: Her problem_

Life was unfair.

Hinata miserably watched as the object of her affections walked as inconspicuously as he could into the sketchy building for the second time that day. From her vantage point, she could clearly see a punch card of some sort tied loosely around the ANBU captain's neck, and from the looks of things, there were a whole bunch of holes stamped out of it. The cute little blunette tensed as she heard his infamous "he-he" and the zealous squeals and giggles of girls clamoring to see their 'Naruto-_koiishi_'.

He had been coming here often ever since he got back from his latest mission, much to the dismay of the bashful 18-year old _kunoichi_ who had followed him obediently in secret. With less than a week before he set off with a new set of instructions from the Fifth, the ill-reputed place had quickly become his other Mecca next to his beloved _Ichiraku_ ramen stand and his actual apartment.

She, along with the rest of her Academy peers, knew the restless Nine Tails demon was housed inside his hyperactive body, giving him excess amounts of chakra and stamina. In his youth Naruto could easily deplete chakra through rigorous training exercises and _jutsus_, but as he grew older, that had became insufficient. Every man had **_physical _**needs, and Naruto's were no different. Frequent travels with the legendary sannin Jiraiya, noted author of the widely read "Icha-Icha" series (that his other perverted sensei Kakashi was a big fan of), had introduced her Naruto-kun to a world of chakra-depleting exercises of the **_ecchi_** variety and it was tearing her world apart. From what she had heard from the various women gasping for breath inside, Naruto-kun, and the Kyuubi vessel within him, had an **_insatiable _**sexual appetite.

"Mmm... ohhh... uhh... mmm... **_mmm_**... ohh... Naruto-_kuuuun_... **_sukebe_**!" one of the women wantonly cried. Hinata nearly shrieked in absolute horror! Just what on God's green earth was Naruto-kun doing with these women to make them shriek and moan so?

Hinata wanted to cry. She wanted to be the one to help her Naruto-kun, but how could she, when she didn't have the _slightest_ clue about what to do? She was still a virgin in both body and mind, and still very unfamiliar with the things that a man and a woman, or, **shockingly enough**, two members of the same sex did in the bedroom.

(And how _that_ puzzle fit, she would never know.)

She was in a real quandary. Why would Naruto want to waste his time on a talent-less _untouched_ Hyuuga freak such as herself, and even if he did, what could she do, especially when Hiashi and Neji were adamantly warning her never to _'put out'_?

She had once shocked her father and cousin beyond belief five years ago when she approached them with the question,

_"Otou-sama, what does it mean for a woman to 'put out'?" she had asked him one day, cocking her head to the side. _

_Hinata, her cousin, and her father had been sitting at a kotatsu table going over the highlights of the previous night's Clan meeting while sipping their tea. Upon hearing his daughter's words, Hiashi had a short mental lapse as hot tea dribbled down his noble chin. Hinata gasped in shock as she dabbed the liquid off his face with a handkerchief._

_Hiashi blanched before turning a rare shade of fuschia. _

_'No,' he thought, worriedly. 'Please let my daughter be talking about something else.' He admonished himself for believing that his daughter could ask such a thing. He must've heard wrong. But then, Hiashi glanced towards the side to see the horrific look on his nephew's face and he knew. 'Oh, dear God, what am I supposed to do?' He wasn't ready to give Hinata the talk about the 'birds and the bees'... The normally stoic father began to freak out. 'For heaven's sakes, she isn't of age yet! She has at least 12 more years before she turns 25...' _

_He collected himself, and took deep breaths to steady his frazzled nerves. "Where did you hear of this term, beloved daughter of mine?" he deadpanned, sweatdropping slightly. If Hinata found out what 'putting out' meant, he would surely castrate (without hesitation) any person who talked in such a filthy manner while his precious daughter was nearby! _

_"While I was on my way to the Academy, the men that play shougi at the gaming parlor were having a discussion about women who 'put out', Otou-sama." Hinata looked at her father and cousin curiously. Why were they twitching? Why was there fire in her father's eyes and ice in her cousin's? "Otou-sama, is 'putting out' such a terrible thing to do?"_

_Her father and cousin simply looked at one another before Hiashi cleared his throat and replied, "It is best that young girls don't learn about anything pertaining to 'putting out' or the other **evils** of **carnal desires**."_

_"E-eh, Otou-sama?" She raised her hands to her cheeks in shock, her face hot enough to boil the refreshments that they had been served, even from two and a half feet away. Did her father just say, 'carnal desires'?_

_Neji had stood up abruptly, and upon Hiashi's mind-link command, he excused himself and left the Hyuuga household to exact revenge on the men who frequented the gaming parlors for tainting his sweet cousin's mind._

Talk about SHELTERED! Not only that, but the Hyuuga Clan Head absolutely _**forbade**_ his daughter to participate in the sex-ed classes at the Academy. Therefore she knew practically nothing about the human body, aside from what one of her aunties had taught her (and those lessons had been overseen by a watchful and **-incredibly uncomfortable-** Hiashi), and she didn't know how sex could be so bad, especially when she had learned that boys had a cute-sounding part called a **"_bobo" _**and girls had an equally adorable part called a **_"fufu"_** otherwise known as their _**"special place"**._

And another time, after a grueling training session with Neji, the two cousins had made their way towards the kitchen for a beverage when Hinata had heard strange pounding, grunting and guttural noises emanating from one of the bedrooms upstairs.

_"Nii-san, what's that sou-"_

_Neji had heard them as well and quickly covered the ears of his cousin, glaring at one of the servants who understood and made a swift dash towards the room of one of the elders. Neji listened impatiently as the servant informed the offending party that Hinata-sama was downstairs and Hiashi-sama would be greatly displeased if his daughter learned of what they were doing. Audible mumbling could be heard and the servant made his way towards Neji and the heiress and bowed before resuming his earlier activities. Finally, when everything could be deemed safe for Hinata's innocent ears, Neji removed his hands._

_Looking quizzically at Neji (whose face was starting to show signs of reverting back to it's normal color), she had asked again about the strange noises upstairs to which he had quickly said,_

_"Not everyone must know everything, Hinata-sama. If you want to remain a good girl, it is for your benefit that you forget what you heard today."_

_She pouted. Why was her entire family trying to protect her and keep her in the dark about things? _

_"Neji-nii-san, um, was that the sound of people... 'doing it'?" A pause. She was still waiting for an answer. She turned around to look at her cousin. "Nii-san? Why is your nose bleeding, Nii-san?"_

_And just like that, right before her very eyes, Neji had fainted from spastic shock over the fact that he couldn't protect his cousin from everything. His last coherent thought before he hit the floor was, 'Just when did Hinata-sama learn the phrase, 'doing it'?'_

It had been the first time Hinata had seen her cousin pass out, ever.

Hinata scrunched her brows together, pouted, and then looked one last time in her beloved's direction before she walked away to think, her cheeks quickly flushing a bright scarlet when she heard more happy moans coming from behind her. She frantically fled the scene as she covered her ears and ran for dear life. _'Those are the bad noises!'_ she reminded herself.

Then, after a mile, she skidded to a halt. She was confused.

If those were _bad noises _and Naruto-kun was helping make those sounds, did that mean he was a bad person? It was totally inconceivable!

**How could someone as sweet as her Naruto-kun get himself involved with bad things unless sex wasn't a bad thing in the first place?**

Her father and cousin just _had _to be wrong!

As she moved at a more comfortable pace, she trekked through the busy streets of the village deep in thought. From the corner of her eye, she could see Iruka-sensei teaching the new wave of Academy students the correct way to perform _Kawarimi no Jutsu_. Through a shaded path, she found a mother robin showing her chicks how to prepare for flight. Off to her immediate left, near the riverbank, a father was showing his son the right way to cast a fishing line into the water.

Hinata thought to herself, _'I need a teacher, too... someone who can show me the proper ways of... uh... s-ssss-se- ack, I CAN'T EVEN SAY IT, LET ALONE THINK IT!'_ This time the blush spread across her entire body, rendering her immobilized for a few moments. She shook her head furiously and nearly tore her locks out in frustration._ 'This is just way too humiliating! I can't just ASK about that sort of thing now, can I?'_

It was at that very moment Inner Chibi Hinata decided to drop in for a visit. She was PEEVED by her outer self's lack of confidence. If she had one iota of the self-image she herself had, Naruto would've been hers EONS ago!

_'Baka, baka, BAKA!'_ Inner Chibi Hinata cried, pointing a cute chubby finger at Hinata. _'Do you want to lose Naruto-kun to those women, FOREVER?' _

Regular Hinata adamantly shook her head no. Of course she didn't want to give him up!

Really, it wasn't as if she hadn't _tried_ to learn... she did find a small collection of _shunpon_ (old Japanese pornography woodblocks) in the library two days ago (though she had fainted when she saw one of the carved illustrative pictures where an unclothed male and female seemed to be engaged in a strange act of some sort... and was she seeing correctly? The man looked like he was ready to poke the woman's _fufu _with a tube that was affixed to his body... was that supposed to happen? Was this really _sex_? And what _was _that tube? Oh my God, was that… was that a _bobo_?) Her face paled. She was definitely scared, but if this was what Naruto-kun wanted from a girl, well, by golly, she'd have to comply and give it to him!

Besides, she had noted, the woman in the picture looked awfully happy…

It was settled then.

_'I have to FIGHT for NARUTO-KUN! I must find an instructor!'_ Hinata pumped her fists and took a deep breath as she continued to walk through the forest deep in thought. She carefully considered her options.

Kurenai-sensei and Asuma-sensei were currently ushering a diplomat to Grass Country with their new Genin teams, Tenten-chan was on a solo mission, and Ino-chan was out of the village borders as well. Hinata didn't have very many girl friends, and she didn't associate at all with Sakura-san, Naruto-kun's longtime crush, for obvious reasons.

Hokage-sama was much too busy (sleeping on the job- something that wasn't so much of a secret to the villagers anymore) and Shizune was working full-time as Tsunade's advisor, so she too, was unavailable.

Now she had to ponder about possible male candidates for teacher. There was no way she was going to ask her father or Neji-nii-san (for reasons stated earlier, not to mention the fact that the two men were prone to nerve attacks whenever boys were nearby). She couldn't ask Kiba-kun or Shino-kun for almost the same reasons- they were too brotherly, although it _had_ been Kiba who she had coerced somehow into telling her what _'putting out'_ meant (in which _'doing it'_ was used within the definition, and after he had explained as vaguely as he could to his naive, yet curious teammate, Shino, who wasn't present to stop the dog-nin in time, had proceeded to thrash the Inuzuka quite mercilessly after one of his kikkai bugs reported to him of Kiba's wrongdoing).

No, she needed help from someone who she didn't cross paths with on a daily basis (for fear of utter embarrassment), and yet be someone she could trust.

Shikamaru-san was involved in an on-again/off-again (and currently on-again, again) relationship with Temari-san from Sand Country, and Chouji-san... well, the large boy breathed in potato chips in between meals and sleep. Somehow he didn't seem like he would be of much help. Lee-san was also unavailable, insisting he catch up on his 'spirit of youth' training outside of the village with his beloved mentor, Gai-sensei, and she had been ordered to avoid Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-sama for reasons her father would not say, and she knew not to question her father when foam was gathering in the corners of his mouth like a rabid animal when he spoke of those two.

Hinata frowned. This was getting hopeless!

_'Is that everybody? Who else is left?'_ she wondered, as she made her way deeper into the forest, unaware that somewhere nearby, someone was having inappropriate thoughts about the young heiress.

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_Okay, so there ends Chapter One of "Onegai, Senpai". How was it so far? Liked it? **Review!** I live for positive reinforcement! Hated it? Well, avoid updates to this story, capisce? I'm so glad we came to this understanding!_

_And if you're not reviewing because you're a CLOSET PERV and don't want to have your cover blown, well... I suppose I can accept that... _

_HA! Actually, I can't, really! LOL! _


	2. His problem

_Again, characters are OOC, blah, blah, blah, and property of Masashi Kishimoto, blah. No flames, etc., etc. _

_Thank you to all the kind people who **reviewed**! I'm so happy. __And one more thing- Hanabi doesn't exist. My story, not yours, so nyeh! Yeah, real mature, I know. Sorry! It just makes things less complicated for me. I just can't see where she'd fit in. _

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_Previously, on "Onegai, Senpai"..._

_'Is that everybody? Who else is left?'_ she wondered, as she made her way deeper into the forest, unaware that somewhere nearby, someone was having inappropriate thoughts about the young heiress.

_Chapter 2: His problem _

Elsewhere...

A tall, ebon-haired shinobi of Fire Country groaned as he missed three out of ten possible practice targets. He admonished himself for his lack of concentration as he went to retrieve his _kunai _and _shuriken_. In the last four missions he had been on, he had been too easily distracted by thoughts of one particularly curvaceous, soft-spoken, creamy-eyed _Jounin_, and if it weren't for Naruto saving his life each and every one of those times, he would've been a dead man twenty-nine times over. He grit his teeth in frustration.

_'Why does it have to be the dobe each time? Why?' _Sasuke complained to himself sullenly. The worst part of having Naruto coming to his rescue was the hero worship the blond got when they got back to the village. At 18-years of age, the _Kyuubi_ vessel was still the effervescent loudmouth, but now, even _he_ had a large fan base. One that was much larger than the one he had.

As the years passed, Naruto had shed the baby fat from his face and had finally grown into the looks that were passed down to him by his father, Yondy. As in the Yondaime. And because being a stud was in the Fourth's genes, Naruto had become a stud as well.

Not that Sasuke thought that Naruto was good-looking... far from it. Sasuke didn't swing that way, contrary to popular belief.

_This is not a yaoi story._

A few months prior, the older villagers had started thinking to themselves, _'Wow. That troublemaker fox-demon looks an awful lot like the Fourth...' _It wasn't until several weeks ago that it had finally been revealed by a piss-drunk Godaime that Naruto was _indeed _the child of the former Hokage and that he should be revered as their hero from that day forth lest they sought punishment by her terribly strong hands.

After _that _particular incident, no one _dared _to be rude to Naruto. As a matter of fact, the entire population of Konoha that hated him prior to that day did a complete 180-degree turn that had startled the whiskered teen at first, but then he merely shrugged his shoulders and welcomed the wonderful attention he was receiving. Besides, who could say no to free food, discounts on merchandise, and pregnant women promising to name their unborn children after him, not to mention the hordes of single ladies who liked to throw themselves at his feet?

As the two were dining on ramen at the _Ichiraku_, Naruto, noticing his admirers (both male and female) watching his every movement, clapped his rival playfully on the back one day and said, "Ne-ne? Looks like I have a bigger fan club than you do, Sasuke-_teme_! I'm more of a celebrity than you ever were!"

That was true, but Sasuke couldn't care less. The one thing that plagued him however was _how_ Naruto had gained the one thing that Sasuke could never have-

_Hyuuga Hinata's love, devotion, admiration, her undivided attention... _

…The list could go on for days. The mere thought of the feelings she had for the idiot caused Sasuke to clumsily drop his weapons onto the floor once again in a noisy clatter.

What boiled his potatoes _most_ about the whole matter was that every time Naruto bragged to the masses of people who worshipped the Hokage-wannabe about how he had saved his life, Hinata would stare at Naruto like he was her sun, her moon, her stars- her entire universe! Despite the fact that Naruto was as dense as the ocean floor when it came to Hinata's affections, she was happy for his existence. It was the only time he would ever admit to being jealous of Naruto.

_'If only she'd look at me that way,'_ he thought to himself forlornly, resuming his earlier training. _'She doesn't even know I'm alive. I'm practically invisible to her.' _

That wasn't entirely true. The two were fairly well acquainted for goodness sakes, having been classmates at the Academy, and participating in joint training sessions, but he had no chance to be acquainted in the _romantic_ sense that he had been hoping (and praying) for.

Actually, scratch that. He had discovered _years_ ago that they had been **betrothed** at one point, but his dreams of marrying the girl of his dreams had been dashed the moment Hiashi **_nullified_** the contract for something he had done. Sasuke, in his youth, had had performed an act so **_terrible_** and so **_heinous_** in the eyes of Hiashi and the rest of the Hyuugas that he ignited a wave of **controversy** that further sullied the **_already tarnished_** **_Uchiha name_** within the confines of the Hyuuga compound.

Itachi's horrific crimes against the Uchiha Clan had turned Sasuke into a cold and aloof boy, his heart seeking revenge on the monster he used to call _Aniki_. He was distant towards his peers and could care less about the pitied whispers he would hear when he walked into town to run errands or go to school. But when it came to Hinata, that exterior crumbled and all that was left was a boy who longed to be with the one girl who could ebb his fears away.

_Six years ago… _

When he was younger, and during the time he struggled with the lingering memories of Itachi's recent betrayal, he used to roam the dark streets of Konoha in a catatonic state looking for his brother, seeking revenge against the one who had managed to take so much away from him so effortlessly.

It was during one of these searches that he, by sheer coincidence, came upon the Hyuuga Manor, lulled out of his trance by the sounds of a 7-year old Hyuuga Hinata humming a melody his mother had once sang to him as a child. From that moment on, for the next several years, he would innocently sit outside of her bathhouse, undetected, to listen to his angel sing before heading back to his cold and empty home. Her 20-minute bath time was something that Sasuke looked forward to every day, and the soothing sounds of her voice brought a moment's peace to his troubled mind.

When Sasuke started **PUBERTY**, however, he had begun to have **_dirty fantasies_** of the young Hyuuga heiress just days before Iruka-sensei was going to go over the topic of sex-ed.

It was after one of these nocturnal visions that he realized he couldn't help but be interested about what Hinata might look like during her bath time. One night, he gave into his urges and took a peek. The first time he saw ALL of Hinata in her naked glory was a night he would never forget. **_Especially since it would be the last time he'd ever get to step foot near her for a LONG time._**

He could remember that day as if it were yesterday. Hinata was bathed in ethereal moonlight, and as the steam rose from the water, it created a misty effect that took his breath away. She truly was a goddess, and he, a mere mortal, was unworthy of witnessing such beauty. He had to pinch himself and rub his eyes several times to make sure that he was actually seeing this rare sight and not conjuring it up in his fanatical mind. And as if on cue, the dream-like imagery was made complete as the song that he loved to utter hear sprang forth from her lips like an enchanting siren's spell. He didn't know how something as innocent as a lullaby could turn into such an erotic aria.

Hinata, completely unaware of the Avenger's presence, continued to perform her late evening cleansing rituals and had given Sasuke quite an eyeful (and bloody nose full) when she rose out of the water to retrieve a neglected bottle of rosemary mint-scented shampoo to lather her hair with. Sasuke was rewarded with a full frontal view as rivulets of warm water cascaded their way down her young developing body sensuously. The young Uchiha was in _hentai_ heaven! Drawings were NOTHING compared to the real thing! So _those _were what Hinata was hiding underneath that jacket of hers!

Unfortunately, at that very same time, a Hyuuga guardsman had caught the Uchiha spying on Hinata, quickly seized him noiselessly and took him before the Council, unceremoniously dumping him into the center of the large gathering hall where Hiashi had an **_emergency meeting_** to discuss plans with the Elders on what they were going to do for Hinata's 12th birthday party which was over **_six months away_**.

_"Uchiha Sasuke? What are you doing on Hyuuga property at this hour, uninvited?"_ boomed the voice of one of the Elders.

He couldn't find the words to speak due to the fact that he had been paralyzed with terror. Sasuke began to crack his knuckles, a nervous habit he had formed in recent years. He had every right to be frightened when he caught Hiashi's razor sharp eyes narrowing in distaste. The notorious Hyuuga-Uchiha feud, (or Uchiha-Hyuuga feud, as Sasuke and Itachi would have called it) had ended with the aftermath of Itachi's decimation of their Clan. With no one left to argue with other than a mere _child_, what was the point of continuing it anyway?

His parents were most likely rolling in their graves and slapping their foreheads in disappointment- their youngest was going to restart it once more.

Hiashi was respected in Konoha for several reasons- one, he was the leader of one of the oldest, wealthiest, talented, and most prestigious families in Fire Country, and two, he was a greatly feared man. No one had ever dared to question his judgment, and though Uchiha Fugaku liked to openly challenge Hiashi during the time he was alive, there was no doubt that he did it out of sheer spite and jealousy. Fugaku had only wanted his family to have what the Hyuugas had. The Hyuugas, with their Byakugan, were like some sort of upper-crust superpower; only the Hokage bested their influence in Konoha.

The Sharingan-wielder took a quick look at his surroundings- the lighting in the room they were sitting in had been dimmed, casting eerie shadows on the faces of the older men. Their presence was ominous and it made his blood run cold. So young Sasuke, with mere days before he was to turn 12, sat terrified before Hiashi and the rest of the Clan Elders to await Hiashi's reaction.

It had been the longest 13 seconds of his life. Sasuke knew he was in a shitload of trouble.

The guard made his way towards Hiashi, bowed, and quickly whispered into the Clan Head's ear. Hyuuga Hiashi, when he had heard just what the young Uchiha had been up to, picked up his teacup and threw it angrily at the wall, the sheer force of the throw decimating the heirloom ceramic piece into oblivion. _'How DARE that brat!'_ he seethed. The punk kid wouldn't get away with what he did, especially not when his little angel Hinata's wholesomeness was involved. And Neji wasn't a genius for nothing- he stood near the doorway menacingly, and having read the look in his uncle's eyes, he reached into his weapons pouch and began to twirl a _kunai_ between his fingers, ready to skewer the Uchiha jackass the moment Hiashi gave the command.

The tension in the air was suffocating, the silence too stifling. Sasuke didn't know what was worse: _THIS_, or maybe ending up being placed on a team with Naruto and that annoying girl, Sakura.

Finally, Hiashi spoke with the tenacity of a thousand burning suns and the iciness of an Arctic tundra.

Okay, this was MUCH worse.

_"So, Uchiha... it has come to my attention that you have been spying on my daughter. Is this correct?"_

Multiple gasps and shouts could be heard, along with shouts of _"**INFIDEL!**", "**PERVERT!**", "**INSOLENT CUR!**" and "**RABBLEROUSER!".**_ One of the servants dropped a tray full of sweet cakes on the floor before fainting. The room was filled with different whispers, but they all centered on a single thought process.

How could anyone do such a terrible thing to their precious Hinata-sama? This boy needed to have his eyes gouged out!

Sasuke gulped audibly. SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! He rebuked himself for being so careless. If it weren't for his stupid curiosity, he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place!

And at a most inopportune time, Sasuke unconsciously brought the image of a naked Hinata into his mind and began to drool.

Hiashi took note of the young boy's eye movements and could sense the rapidly increasing pace of his heartbeat. His fingers itched to wrap around the little monster's neck the moment when a spot of Uchiha saliva hit the dust-free surface of the polished wooden floor._ 'Masaka,'_ worried the crazed father of one._ **'He's having hentai thoughts about Hina-hime!** Is Hiashi gonna have to **choke a bitch?'**_

**_"YOU! BRAT! STOP HAVING INDECENT THOUGHTS OF MY DAUGHTER RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"_** Hiashi sputtered.

Sasuke jolted and quickly wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve.

_"Are you in love with my cousin, Uchiha?"_ sneered Neji. He would gut him if he did, and gut him even if he didn't.

More collective gasps could be heard throughout the room. Hiashi gauged Sasuke's reactions. Yup, the kid was in love with his daughter. Not that he could hold that against him, after all, his daughter was the apple of his eye...

_But the gaki needed to be taught a lesson._

Hiashi turned around to rummage through a safe box of sealed documents and after he had found what he was looking for, he called Sasuke over to his table. Sasuke didn't move a muscle.

Hiashi snapped.

**_"I SAID COME HERE, BOY- NOW DON'T MESS WITH ME, YOU'RE IN A HELLUVA LOT OF TROUBLE ALREADY."_**

Sasuke couldn't have gotten there any faster.

The older man waved a piece of parchment paper in front of his face._ "Uchiha Sasuke, do you know what this is?"_ There was no answer._ **"I ASKED YOU A QUESTION. YES OR NO, DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?"**_ What was wrong with this kid? Was he dumb? Didn't his parents teach him anything before their untimely passing?

_"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-no, Hi-Hi-Hi-Hiashi-s-s-s-s-sama... I-I-I-I-I-"_

Hiashi quickly interrupted him. Damn. Fugaku and Mikoto really messed up with their second one... _"It's a contract. One that binds you and my daughter in holy matrimony the moment she turns 12. It's been signed by your father and myself, and-"_

_"I can marry Hinata-chan?"_ Sasuke asked hurriedly. Where could he find a pen? He wanted to sign the document right now!

_"No."_

The Uchiha was at a loss for words, save for one._ "Huh?"_

Hiashi smirked. Neji grinned evilly as well. The Elders chuckled nefariously behind well-manicured hands. Sasuke was scared. Things weren't looking too good for him.

_"I... said... NO."_ Hiashi whispered as he took the paper from Sasuke's hands and proceeded to rip it into itty-bitty scraps. With each tear of the paper, Sasuke felt a year being shaved from his life.

Hiashi's word was law. He learned that the hard way that day. That night, his nightmares of Itachi killing his family were replaced by Hiashi destroying the only thing that prevented him from _LEGALLY _seeing Hinata naked on a regular basis.

Life was unfair.

From that point on, unbeknownst to Hinata, Sasuke was handed a restraining order forbidding him to come within 100 feet of the Hyuuga compound and to avoid the heiress at all times during school hours.

At first he thought he could easily remedy his problems by watching other women bathe or hearing them sing, but none of the women had that special something that Hinata had. He was at a loss.

His birthday had come and Hinata had left a present on his desk that he had been hoping to unwrap in the privacy of his own home, but a Hyuuga spy had later intercepted him and demanded that he give him the package that he later handed back regretfully (only after the guard warned that Hiashi would be angered further). He would never get to see what was wrapped so delicately in the shiny gold-leaf paper and once had recurring thoughts where he'd unwrap a larger version of Hinata's box and find his own severed head inside, courtesy of Hiashi and Neji Hyuuga.

He was even more depressed when Hinata was noticeably absent during the sex-ed lessons, and finally, when she came in through the doors after missing three weeks of school, that bastard Naruto had to kiss him right in front of her! Seeing the shocked and hurt look on her face led him to believe one thing:_ **she probably hated his**_** _guts!_**

It was a very frustrating time for the lone Uchiha Avenger, especially after learning that he wouldn't be put in a same _Genin_ team as her. Misfortune struck him once again when he discovered that he was to be put on the team with the two people he liked least in his class- **_Narutard _**and **_Suckura_**. The Hyuugas had definitely pulled some strings over their partner assignments, and it had been Neji who had made the recommendations that Sasuke be stuck with the most annoying classmates in the Academy.

Some higher powers were _definitely _against him, and their name was **Hyuuga**.

As Sasuke continued to practice, he regretted ever coming across Hiashi in the first place. Because of him, Hinata would be off-limits forever.

_**Forever** _would come a lot sooner than he had expected...

* * *

_And that marks the end of Chapter Two... not as much fun as the prior chapter, but this is a work in progress. The following chapter will finally give Sasuke some incentive to smile, I guarantee it!_

_And I apologize for Hiashi's uhh... dialogue. It was inspired by Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac, Wayne Brady (from the "Chappelle's Show" skit) and Foghorn Leghorn- Three angry African-American men and a rooster. Yup, utterly random._

_Again, please show your support by clicking on the little button below that says, 'Go' and leave me a comment! It would make me verrrrry happy! Don't be lazy! It'll take 20 seconds of your time to say something nice. Do it! C'mon, I dare ya!_


	3. Her solution, his prayers answered

_A special thanks goes out to those who were kind enough to leave reviews and offer friendly advice. If there IS a lack of plot, I may have been focusing a little too much on having fun with this story and establishing a background of sorts. (But freakin' a... there IS one, maybe you overlooked it.) Still, if any of you feel that there's still something missing, even after this chapter, well, I'm sorry for disappointing you! (Shrugs shoulders.) I guess it's true- you can't win 'em all... I'll try to work on the humor a bit more, as well... _

_Next, characters are OOC. I feel like I have to remind those who tend to forget that I left that warning in earlier chapters. _

_Lastly, I'd like to thank you anonymous readers for your reviews, but how can I when you don't leave an email address? I do take the time to respond! Cheeky monkeys, I don't bite... **hard...**_

_Here is Chapter Three. (Because if I called it Chapter Four, I'd be a number dyslexic, silly!)_

* * *

_Previously, on "Onegai, Senpai"... _

_As Sasuke continued to practice, he regretted ever coming across Hiashi in the first place. Because of him, Hinata would be off-limits forever. _

**_Forever_**_ would come a lot sooner than he had expected... _

_Chapter 3: Her solution, his prayers answered_

The later years were not so kind to Sasuke either. With the Hyuugas breathing down his neck whenever he was near their heiress, Sasuke had really given up on the hope that he would ever win Hinata's heart (or more importantly, _Hiashi's _favor). Without having that dream to look forward to anymore, he set his sights back on the one that would be the _most_ attainable- **killing Itachi.**

After having been bitten by that child molester Orochimaru and the crazy mind-fuck that he had put him through, not to mention the period of time he had abandoned Konoha and Hinata to join the Hidden Village of the Sound, Sasuke was well on his way to accomplish his life's mission. Unfortunately, Naruto had sullied those plans by bringing him back to Konoha.

He had minded a lot at first, but after one glimpse at Hinata and seeing just how much she had changed **_physically_**, he was back to where he had once started; the lusty cravings he had willed away during his apprenticeship with the Snake sannin had come back to him in full force. Every night thereafter he dreamt of Hinata and only Hinata, her sweaty body writhing **_pleasurably_** underneath his, the soft mewls that would come out of her mouth, the way she'd turn his body on fire by alternating between urgent strokes and feather-light touches. In turn, Sasuke would wake up every morning to a painful **"sunrise surprise"** and bed sheets and pajama bottoms soiled with **wasted DNA**.

Consequently, today had been no different, hence his lack of focus. How could he possibly _think_ straight after imagining Hinata doing all sorts of wonderful things to him?

The years had been good to the Hyuuga heiress who had grown even more beautiful with age. She wore her hair longer, and in recent years had it fashionably layered, giving her what Sasuke liked to call a sexy **_'romp-in-the-sack'_** look. In his dreams, Hinata's hair was silky to the touch, and he wondered if he'd ever get the chance to find out for himself in real life. Her pale lavender-hued orbs were positively hypnotic; they alone would send him into a heated frenzy every time she blessed him with a glance from behind those long, lush eyelashes of hers. He could sing praises about her mouth- her rosy pink lips were probably petal soft... and every kunoichi in Konoha had a knockout body **(unless they were an Akimichi)**, which left him to wonder if Dog-breath or Bug-boy ever peeked in on his girl during missions. _'Those lucky bastards- I'd KILL them!'_ he thought vehemently as he threw another _shuriken _at a training post and missed.

**And then there was Naruto. **

He scowled. Lately, the idiot liked to brag about how he got more **_play_** than he did, and it struck a bad chord in his body.

Was it his fault that he only wanted to give himself to Hinata and she had yet to realize he carried a torch for her?

**Was it _his_ fault that he didn't want to waste good Uchiha sperm on _used_ goods, let alone goods used by _Naruto? _**

Ugh! As _if!_

His mind began to reel. **What if he _never_ got Hinata?** He threw another weapon, failing to hit yet another target. Good God, even worse- what if he **_died_** a **VIRGIN**? He immediately threw those panicky thoughts aside and forced himself to get serious with his training, activating his Sharingan and finally hitting seven targets in succession but _completely_ unaware that Hinata was waiting and observing nearby.

Hinata watched the Uchiha with baited breath as he trained. The ANBU captain was truly a magnificent sight to behold. She studied his deep crimson and comma-dotted eyes hidden by his wild, disheveled black locks before gazing upon the rest of his flawless face. Sasuke was an extremely handsome man. Hinata colored appreciatively as she noticed how his shirt clung to his sweat-dampened body like a second skin, defining the outline of his toned arms, chest, stomach and back. Even without the Byakugan Hinata could tell Sasuke had a beautiful body.

_'He truly is a work of art. It is a pity that Sasuke doesn't share that opinion of the female form,'_ she noted. It had been _**speculated**_ that the Uchiha didn't like to be around women simply because he didn't like them. **The rumors of Sasuke's sexual preference had never been proven; yet he never openly dispelled them either; therefore** **Hinata had been amongst many of Konoha's general population to believe that Sasuke was indeed... _gay._** '_Plus he had been Naruto-kun's first kiss...' _she mused sadly.

_'But he's smart, talented, and best of all, he's available. Sasuke-senpai is a perfect candidate for teacher,' _she continued, closing her eyes in meditation. '_Hopefully he'll be nice enough to say yes.'_ She'd need to muster up the courage to ask, and now that she had managed to come within twenty feet of him, she was getting quite nervous again.

Feeling satisfied with his workout, Sasuke deactivated his Sharingan and reached for his water canteen to quench his parched throat. Sensing a familiar chakra source nearby, he finally saw her and nearly coughed up his beverage- there she was, his goddess, looking so enchantingly picturesque beneath a canopy of light and shadow.

At first he wondered if he was hallucinating, until a faint gust of wind brought the smell of her rosemary mint shampoo to his nostrils, sending his senses into overdrive. He hadn't been this physically close to Hinata in a long time, at least not since their _Genin_ days when Teams 7 and 8 got together for joint missions, and he could already feel his lower extremities twitch with excitement. His eyes darkened intensely.

Hinata looked up to discover she had managed to capture Sasuke's attention. She was startled by the strange look he was giving her- in many ways he looked like a dangerous panther, ready to pounce- but assumed that it was because he didn't like company. She felt slightly intimidated by his presence and the situation she was about to put herself into and began to have second thoughts. _'C'mon, you can do this! Ganbatte, Hinata-chan!'_ wailed Inner-Chibi Hinata, wearing a cheerleading uniform and waving pom-poms in the air.

Hinata cleared her throat. _'I guess it's now or never...'_ She took a deep, calming breath to steady her erratic heartbeat. "Ohayo, Uchiha-senpai (1)," she said softly, giving him a shy smile.

Inner Chibi Sasuke melted into a puddle of goo. _'That minx,'_ thought Sasuke_. 'Does she know what effect she has on me?'_ He nodded and managed to choke out her name. "H-Hinata-san."

_'**I LOVE YOU!** Now let's go back to my place and **shag**!' _cried Inner Chibi Sasuke, drunk with glee.

"Ano... I know we haven't spoken in a while, but... um... Senpai, I have a... favor to ask of you," she said meekly, turning sideways to hide the blush on her cheeks. She brought one of her delicate (yet dangerous) hands to her lips to help squash her anxiety.

Sasuke noticed her nervousness and blinked, twice. His brain worked up a frenzy thinking of what Hinata was going to ask. Inner Chibi Sasuke began to scream with joy.

_'A date! She's finally asking us out on a date! Dates lead to kissing and touching and groping... and breasts! **Hinata's going to let us touch her breasts! Oh GOD!**' _

Sasuke swallowed the lump in his throat as he fought hard NOT to imagine Hinata in her birthday suit continuing the little love-fest she gave him in his dreams last night. "Mm-hmm," he said through clenched teeth, urging her to continue on with her request. Sasuke looked down for a moment, embarrassed beyond belief that his body was betraying him. He quickly un-tucked his shirt to cover his apparent erection as sweat poured down his face and neck.

Still looking sideways (and missing Sasuke's attempt to hide the flagpole in his shorts), she began to ask, "Would you like to..."

_'...Be the father of your children? Oh hell, yes! **Like you needed to ask?**'_ volunteered Inner Chibi Sasuke, already stripped down to his skivvies and currently thinking of names to give their unborn sons and daughters...

"... teach me how..." Hinata continued.

_'Huh? She wants... a trainer? Not a date?'_ Chibi Inner Sasuke died a slow and agonizing death, taking Sasuke's formerly raging hard-on with him. And then he and _it _came back to life with her next words:

"...to... uh... _have sex?_" She had whispered out the last part.

Sasuke just stared at her. "Huh?" he asked dumbly, poking a finger into his ear. There HAD to be something wrong with his hearing... "I... I'm sorry-what did you say?"

Hinata's cheeks began to pink, and the color spread down her neck, her chest... Sasuke wondered just how low her blush could actually travel. "Um, you know... _'put out'... 'do it'..._ EEP!"

This time Hinata turned her entire back toward Sasuke. She had said it. She began to poke her fingers together as she waited for Sasuke to answer. The young _Jounin_ could feel every inch of her body burning in sheer mortification as Inner Chibi Hinata tried to fan her down.

Time stood still for both _Jounins_, but for two entirely different reasons.

_'Why isn't he saying anything? Oh God,'_ she panicked_. 'Maybe he's... disgusted with the idea since I'm not a boy? I hope he answers soon... this IS an emergency! I can't handle the wait!' _

Sasuke was floored by her request and swiftly covered his nose. No way... Did she... and he... and then show her... Even Inner Chibi Sasuke was at a loss for words, mumbling incoherent sentences like **_'Hinata... me... sex, please... yes I want!_**' and _'Kissing and touching and kissing and touching...' _while spurting gobs of blood out of his nostrils. He stared at Hinata's back in disbelief and struggled for some composure.

**Skip dating altogether and jump straight into hot, wild, and passionate SEX? **

Holy shenanigans, was Hinata really **_that_** forward? Since when in his wildest dreams did Real Hinata do what Fantasy Hinata did? He shook his head. **This had to be a dream.** _'Only one way to find out,'_ he thought, as he brought the blunt end of a kunai into his thigh, only to find out quite painfully that he had accidentally stabbed himself with pointed end!

"GAAH!" he cried, as blood began to pool out of his leg. His scream effectively snapped Hinata out of her trance while his manhood to shrunk back to normal once more. Sasuke leaned against a tree for support as he tried in vain to stop the flow of blood as Hinata ran to his side and kneeled before him, momentarily forgetting about what she had just asked the shocked Uchiha.

**Sasuke was in for yet _another_ surprise that day.**

"Sasuke-san," Hinata stated authoritatively and urgently, looking at the ugly gash on his leg. "I want you to take your pants off, **now.**" Hinata needed to close the wound before Sasuke lost more blood. Not that she had to worry since it was all traveling to another part of his anatomy...

Sasuke's eyes widened. _'She's in-between your legs and she wants you to take your pants off! This is just like déjà vu!'_ cried Inner Chibi Sasuke, who was currently thumbing through manila folders in a mental file cabinet labeled **"Hinata Fantasies"**, located near the file cabinets labeled **"People I Want Dead"** (with highly researched documentation featuring Itachi, Orochimaru, and several members of the Hyuuga, including Hiashi and Neji) and **"People Who Are Annoying"** (which included Naruto, Sakura, Kakashi, Kabuto, Lee, Gai, and just about everyone else in Konoha from Moegi to Kiba's dog, Akamaru. Hinata wasn't on any of the latter lists, of course).

Inner Chibi Sasuke was all too happy to heed Hinata's commands while Sasuke's brain had attempted to concentrate on willing his erection away. He slowly drew the waistband of his training shorts down, trying hard not to let it brush against his stiffy, and exposed his legs to the cool air. Fortunately his shirt was long and loose enough in some areas to cover the obvious need in his boxers as Hinata leaned forward to observe the severity of the cut.

_'Psst, Sasuke? I KNEW it! Dream scenario # 38... the one where Hinata gives us a_ _wicked blowjob in the park...'_ Inner Chibi Sasuke was all goofy smiles and drool as he flipped through an illustrated journal filled with notes as Hinata administered first-aid.

Sasuke could feel Hinata's warm breath tickling his thigh and suppressed a groan. It took every last ounce of his willpower not to thrust his pelvis into her face! His eyes were glazed and he watched as Hinata performed several hand seals for a healing _jutsu_. She tentatively steadied Sasuke's leg by placing her left hand behind his thigh and began to run her right finger down the open gash, closing the wound effectively and sending waves of pleasure up and down his spine.

_'If only she would do that several inches to the right…ohh, she's ALMOST THERE!' _

He was in turmoil. What he wouldn't GIVE to take his hands and position her head right where he wanted it... plow himself deep into her hot mouth... God, he was going to have a brain aneurysm if he didn't get rid of all the perverted thoughts running rampant in his mind! How could he think of doing such dirty things to someone so innocent? He muttered a word of thanks as he quickly and painstakingly pulled up his shorts, startling Hinata and causing her to fall backwards.

Then he remembered her **proposition**.

This was his **once-in-a-lifetime chance** to be with the woman he wanted, and since Hiashi was away for diplomatic relations and Neji would be preoccupied with a missions briefing with the Hokage, not to mention the fact that Hiashi had eased off on having a Hyuuga guard his daughter 24-7 since she had been recently promoted...

He grinned lecherously.

Glancing down at the frozen Hyuuga (who had realized that she had actually ordered the Uchiha Avenger to strip down to his underwear), he effectively snapped her out of her reverie as he pro-offered his hand to help her up. She smiled awkwardly and tentatively placed her small hand into his much larger one as he hoisted her up, reflexively brushing off the dust on her clothing with her free hand.

"Hinata-chan," said Sasuke, huskily, brushing the pad of his thumb over her knuckles seductively.

_'Whoa, yeah! Sasuke is so suave with the ladies!'_ howled Inner Chibi Sasuke, as he cried into his sleeve in amazement.

Hinata bit her lower lip as she questioned the butterflies in her stomach. She never had anyone hold her hand like that before, and just when had he moved so close to her? She took her hand nervously from his and took two steps backward. "H-hai, Senpai?"

"I'd be more than happy to take you up on your **_request_**," he said, observing the way her whole body seemed to burn red again in reaction to his answer. Sasuke smirked, stalking towards the stunned woman. "So, when would you like to **_start?_**"

He had accepted! It was then that she had begun to feel lightheaded... was she doing the right thing? That gleam in his eyes seemed questionable... Now she wasn't feeling so sure... "I- I..." Hinata stared at Sasuke and blinked twice before fainting in his arms.

_'Hey, alright!'_ squeed Inner Chibi Sasuke delightfully. His outer self couldn't agree more. Could this _get _any easier?

"You'll be mine. Tonight, and every night, _Hina-hime..._" he whispered into her ear lovingly. He caressed a strand of her blue tresses, memorizing the texture of her silky smooth locks before he carried her delicately back to his home.

Things were finally starting to look up for the Uchiha, and he _liked_ it.

* * *

_(1) Hinata refers to him as 'Senpai' because he outranks her. Naruto outranks her as well, but she's taken to calling him Naruto-kun for so long... and Neji's her cousin and will remain Neji-nii-san until I write another NejiHina fic (and she'll call him LOVER... or not... lol!)._

_**Kakashi:** In the world of ninja, those who violate the rules and laws are called trash..._

_**Julie:** Whoa! Oh, hey, Kakashi-kun! Where did you come from? But well said, Kakashi-kun; well said! Reciting lines from episode 5, right?_

_**Kakashi:** (continues on, still serious) However... those in the world of fan fiction who read something they enjoyed but didn't show appreciation for the author's hard work because they were too lazy to submit a review are worse than trash._

_**Julie:** (gasps) Kakashi-kun... That was a mouthful... I- I never knew you felt that way... (starry-eyed) May I... may I... GLOMP YOU?_

_**Kakashi:** (pervy crescent eyes) Okay! (Tosses "Icha Icha Violence" aside)_

_Eight minutes later..._

_**disheveled and unmasked** **Kakashi:** Click 'go' and review._

_**Julie:** (gasping for air) Please?_


	4. Troubleshooting

_Hopefully this will sate some of your **hentai cravings**... or not... and please excuse me for the crude language that may be scattered across this chapter... I know it's not something well-bred people do at all, but oh well, fuck it. My story, I do what I want! _

_Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. He's not writing the kind of story I'd like to see, therefore I must improvise whenever I can. But crap, he's making a butt-load of money... writing about Naruto, Sakura and Sai... (Where's the Team 8 love, Ki-shi-mo-to? If MM and I have to look at Sai's midriff one more time… ARGH!) _

_And get well soon, Ladii!_

_

* * *

_

_Previously, on "Onegai, Senpai"... _

"_You'll be mine. Tonight, and every night, Hina-hime..." he whispered into her ear lovingly. He caressed a strand of her blue tresses, memorizing the texture of her silky smooth locks before he carried her delicately back to his home._

_Things were finally starting to look up for the Uchiha, and he liked it._

_Chapter 4: Troubleshooting_

Five years of waiting, five long years of enduring trials and tribulations, and it all came down to this one glorious moment. He laid Hinata on his bed and quickly ran out of his room to set the mood for romancing the object of his lust.

Rob Thomas playing in the CD player- check.

Candles- check.

Sumptuous hand-dipped chocolate-covered strawberries- check.

Condoms? Ohohohohohoho, you bet your grandmother's strand of pearls! Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, and CHECK! Sasuke had micro-thin ones, flavored ones, textured ones, ribbed ones, even _vibrating _ones, and if Hinata so preferred, he had each kind in a rainbow of colors...

Sasuke was lock, stocked, and FULLY loaded... in more ways than could be imagined.

He threw on a pair of black silk pajama bottoms and hastily put on a crushed velvet robe. Everything had to be orchestrated perfectly. He even ate a few raw oysters for good measure. Enhanced sexual performance was _everything_. A good ninja was always prepared.

There couldn't have been a happier time in his life. The woman he loved was on his bed; Sasuke had already divested her of some of her outer clothing, and her body language was just screaming: **_"FUCK ME SENSELESS, SASUKE-KUN!" _**

Or that's what Inner Chibi Sasuke had thought. Obviously the less vulgar of the two, Sasuke thought it would sound more like **_"A-ano, please fuck me... onegai, senpai..."_ **

**…**and then she'd shyly draw her hand to her luscious pink lips... innocently bite the tip of her finger... maybe the strap of her white silk negligee would hang innocently off one of her creamy white shoulders...

Yeah... Inner Chibi Sasuke had to agree with Sasuke on that one... damn, that was one **_hot _**scenario.

They would LOVE to see it happen someday. But now that Hinata was all theirs, they wouldn't have to wait long before _that_ fantasy also became reality.

Sasuke brought two champagne flutes and a bottle of chilled bubbly and set them before her, ready to commence a night full of passionate lovemaking that he and Hinata would NEVER forget. He quickly discarded his robe and mounted the bed, eager to begin.

Inspired by the words of the current song that was playing, he sang softly into Hinata's ear, _"Forever with you, Forever in me, Ever the same."_

Hinata giggled softly as she pressed her head further into the pillow, tickled by his actions. Inner Chibi Sasuke swooned as he watched the _Love Shinobi_ in action!

Two hours later, and the bedsprings were still getting a workout as Sasuke hovered over her soft and pliant body, feverishly re-enacting his earlier ministrations.

"Mmmm... nnngh..." Hinata moaned as she licked her dry lips and tossed and turned her head, causing Sasuke to go wild as he continued to apply more pressure to Hinata's body.

"Yeah, that's right, baby. Come on," he breathed hotly. "Open up for me, _Hime..._"

"Ohhhhh," she sighed, wincing as she gathered her plump lower lip into her mouth. Sasuke was getting overheated just listening to her throaty moans and whimpers.

It was just too much for him. He couldn't wait for her anymore. "HINATA! HINATA! HINATA! HINATA! **HINATAAAAA!**"

Completely spent of all his energy after another twenty-minute session, Sasuke groaned and flopped back to his side of the bed, careful to avoid squashing any part of her with his weight.

Sweat marred his brow as he let out a shaky breath. Wow. Just like it was the first time had been, this experience had been...

**_Surreal. _**

**_Intense._**

**_Unbelievable._**

He looked at the woman lying next to him and brushed an errant strand of hair from her face. He studied her features as she smiled beatifically, as if she were dreaming. A happy sigh escaped her lips.

"Oh, Hina-_hime_, the things you do to me," he cooed desperately, bringing one of her hands to his lips, laving her palm with hot kisses. "Now wake up... so we can have sex!"

Sasuke slapped his face and groaned. Why wouldn't she get up? He had been trying to disturb her sleep ever since they left the forest!

The CD was grating on his nerves.

The candles were nothing more than mere puddles of wax.

The champagne was flat.

The strawberries were getting mushy.

Many unfortunate accidents had occurred due to Hinata's lack of awareness of the one part of his person that needed it the most. Therefore, his pajama pants were currently soaking in a sink full of sudsy water. And the condoms?

They were still wrapped. Covered. Unused.

_Sealed._ Just like the enraged red _monster_ tucked away in his pants. The beast wanted to explore new territory, but Hinata had managed to keep it out.

Sasuke had already gone to the bathroom several times to service himself. This was NOT how he had imagined things to go. Someone was having a field day with his frayed emotions. How could someone be so close, and yet so far?

He yanked at his hair in aggravation. Why was this so damn hard to do?

He began to shake her again. "Wake up, wake up, WAKE UP!" he screamed into her ear. Still, Hinata slept peacefully throughout the ordeal, unaware of the physical and mental duress she was putting him and Inner Chibi Sasuke under.

He was getting delirious. He had begun to imagine hundreds of Naruto clones dancing circles around him, pointing their fingers, laughing and chanting, **"TEME IS A VIRGIN! TEME IS A VIRGIN!"**

Enough was enough. Inner Chibi Sasuke was about to take matters into his own hands. _'Sasuke! Forget this! **Just create a bunshin clone of Hinata and sleep with it instead!**'_

_'No, you moron!' _Sasuke huffed in indignation._ **'I don't want to lose my virginity to MYSELF! I want to lose it to HER!'**_ he screamed, pointing a finger towards Hinata, accidentally poking her in the chest in the process. Millions of pinpricks danced across his skin as he realized what he had just done.

He had just gone to _second base_ without getting to _first._ He had to try it again.

Sasuke pressed a finger into the side of her breast, mesmerized by the way it sprung back into shape. And prodded it again. And once more, for good measure.

"Bouncy," he drooled covetously, his eyes taking on the shape of crescent moons. Inner Chibi Sasuke was busy jotting down notes about the sensations his outer self was feeling.

Deciding that Hinata wouldn't mind if he played a little bit more, he squeezed them, delighting in the way they seemed to fit perfectly in his hands. But if they felt nice _covered, _they would probably feel infinitely nicer _uncovered..._

_'Yeah! Take her top off!' _squealed Inner Chibi Sasuke, holding his hand to his bloody nose.

_'I should, shouldn't I? Hee hee...'_

The Uchiha slowly unbuttoned her shirt, his mouth watering at the sight of her satin white bra and milky white skin. Before he could advance any further, he froze in place.

"S-senpai?" Hinata whimpered.

* * *

_Yeah, it was terrible of me to leave it there. Ah, phooey! If you want more, you have to let me know, eh? I love your reviews!_


	5. Probable recipe for disaster

_Hi! Sorry for the late-ish update... I ran into a bit of snafus. Um... oopsy-boopsy?_

_Characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I made them OOC. Like I stated before, you don't like OOC-ness, don't read. It's otherwise a waste of your time._

_You may have already read chapter 5. It's been completely redone. Wasn't too happy with the way it had turned out. This story frustrates me. I think I'm getting tired of it. Damn... I was trying to hold out on writing a few more chapters, but my train of thought has run out of steam. I'm sorry if you've gotten really into this story, but... uh... instead of weekly updates, you'll probably see bi-weekly to monthly ones. Of course, I'll update the moment I come up with something, but for now that looks somewhat improbable, though I came up with this chapter in a day after posting the previously original (and story-damaging) chapter 5..._

* * *

_Previously, on "Onegai, Senpai"..._

_The Uchiha slowly unbuttoned her shirt, his mouth watering at the sight of her satin white bra and milky white skin. Before he could advance any further, he froze in place._

_"S-senpai?" Hinata whimpered_.

_Chapter 5: Probable recipe for disaster_

Sasuke quickly removed his hands and tried his hardest to feign innocence. He looked at Hinata from the corner of his eye and let the air out of his constricted lungs. She was still asleep. Before he could unhook her brassiere, he heard her voice calling out to him again.

"S-so c-cold, Senpai... I-I'm s-so c-cold..."

And Sasuke couldn't believe what he was just about to do. He was a monster! To take advantage of his sleeping _hime_... he was no better than his brother or Orochimaru, or Jiraiya. How could he even _think _of molesting her?

Inner Chibi Sasuke nodded his head in disbelief._ 'You're a wimp, Sasuke. You have her on your bed and you can't even do anything. You're never gonna get some.'_

Sasuke ignored the voice in his head as he buttoned her shirt back up and tucked her back underneath the covers. At least his conscious was at ease. It was unfortunate that his groin was not. Sasuke had never raced faster to the bathroom in his life. He frowned. Was there such a thing as masturbating too much? He took out the framed picture of Hinata he kept in his medicine cabinet and worked his way through another shameless and unfulfilling orgasm.

_'You're killing me, Hinata! Killing me!'_

-----

Over at another part of town, Neji was freaking out. It was minutes before dinnertime and Hinata hadn't come home yet. Hiashi was still in Grass Country but he had entrusted Hinata's safety in his hands. '_Yes_,' he told himself. _'Hinata is a Jounin now and in no need of bodyguards flanking her every side.' _But she was still his sweet little cousin! It took every ounce of his willpower not to kill Kiba or Shino every time a training session brought Hinata back with a few scratches.

Things weren't looking good. An hour had passed since dinner had started, and there was no sign of Hinata. The dishes were getting cold and bellies were getting hungrier. You see, no one ate until Hinata took the first bite. Not even Hiashi. (Hinata was unaware of this.)

Neji slammed his palms against the dinner table. As Hiashi's nephew and right-hand man, he gave out the proclamation. "**Code Red, the Heiress is MISSING!** We will send out all available Hyuugas at ONCE! Teams 1, 2, and 3, search the western perimeters of Konoha and the Inuzuka home! 4, 5, and 6, you will take the north side and stop by Naruto's apartment (the Hyuugas knew of Hinata's crush and made it a point to scowl at the young man for being so oblivious to her affections). 7, 8, and 9- go east and question her Aburame teammate! 10 and 11, come with me. We'll search the south. The elderly and the children will stay behind in case Hinata-sama comes home. Sound the gongs when she comes home safely! **Let's MOVE! There's no time to waste!**"

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Far away, in Grass Country, Hiashi was in his hotel room, ready to enjoy the regional delicacies. He gave a quick prayer, dipped his chopsticks into a glass of water, and got ready to eat. Bringing a steaming hot piece of _namako _(sea cucumber) to his lips, he blew on it quickly before placing it before a framed picture of his daughter.

"Say, AAH, Hina-hime! Isn't this the delicious num-nums? Daddy loves his little girl!" he cooed, pro-offering the morsel of food to the glass of his daughter's picture's lips. After performing that ritual (something he did every time he had to leave his pride and joy for several days or more), he started to eat his own meal.

Yes, Hiashi was a bit eccentric in matters that concerned his little heiress, but a loving father nonetheless.

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Back in the southern part of Konoha, Sasuke was making dinner for his guest. After being out for so long, he figured Hinata would have an appetite. Unfortunately, Sasuke wasn't such a good cook.

It wasn't long before the acrid smell of burning rice brought a curious Hinata out of bed and into the kitchen. "S-senpai? W-what am I doing here?"

Sasuke drooled at the sight of Hinata and her disheveled clothing cutely rubbing the sleep from her eyes. "Um, you fainted earlier today." _'Please remember the favor you asked me, please remember the favor you asked me,' _he chanted in his head, not liking that Hinata could have forgotten something so important!

Hinata's blood rushed to her face. "Ahh, Senpai! I-I'm so s-sorry! The lesson! I hope I didn't cause you any inconvenience s-sleeping here! Oh, I must have wasted so much of your time!"

_'Like you wouldn't believe!' _cried Inner Chibi Sasuke.

_'If only you knew,' _agreed Sasuke.

"Ah, it was nothing at all, Hinata-chan," he said, lying through his teeth and ignoring the now blackened pieces of what used to be chicken frying on a pan. _'Unless you think slight chafing isn't problematic...'_

"A-ano, Senpai... m-may I?"

"Huh?"

Hinata timidly walked closer to Sasuke, removing the apron from his waist. He nearly passed out from being so close to her again!

_'She's undressing us!' _Inner Chibi Sasuke screamed. Of course, that happiness was short-lived as she donned the apron herself. _'She's a COCK-TEASE!' _Inner Chibi Sasuke cursed.

"Let m-me cook for you? Please?"

How could he say no? Housewife Hinata making him a meal? That was one of his most FAVORITE fantasies of all time! He nodded his head and watched her in action from a seat at the dinner table. Within the next forty-five minutes, a new batch of rice was cooked and placed into a bowl, _nikujaga _(beef stew with potatoes) boiling happily in a clay pot, and some pickled daikon and radishes set aside.

There was a frantic knock at the door just as Hinata was bringing dinner to the table. Sasuke opened it, revealing an extremely upset and psychotic Neji with an **intent to kill**.

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_And that's where I'm leaving off for now. Yeah, cliffy-schmiffy. You hate them, I hate them, but I have brain farts so I need them. Not an overly funny chapter, I know this, you know this, but like I said before, my brain is running on empty! Sorry for the deleted chapter, like I said earlier, I wasn't too happy with it. Truly, you weren't missing out on much._


	6. Raising the bar

_Hello, readers! Thank you for waiting so patiently for an update (for a while I was convinced I'd never get to make one). Brain farts have subsided long enough for me to write a few scenes._

_About reviews... I thank you for taking the time to type them. Your encouragement makes me happy, and I'm glad you enjoy my sub-par writing and nonsensical humor. On a final note, it should also be said that if you don't like this story, don't read it. Why subjugate yourselves to torture if you've hated it from the very first chapter? (Raises eyebrow and smiles.)_

_Ahh, I'm in a better mood now._

_With that being said, here is chapter 6. Masashi Kishimoto owns these characters that I have made **disgustingly** OOC. Wa-friggin-hoo! _

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Previously, on "Onegai, Senpai"...

_There was a frantic knock at the door just as Hinata was bringing dinner to the table. Sasuke opened it, revealing an extremely upset and psychotic Neji with an **intent to kill**. _

Chapter six: Raising the bar

Neji and his team had been fervently speeding through Konoha's south side, praying for the safety of their precious Heiress. The group had decided to split up once more, each man with their blood limit activated, each with their hearts set on finding Hinata-sama and returning home to eat dinner. After all, Thursdays were Prime Rib night in the Hyuuga household, and eating dried out pieces of meat was practically a sin in itself.

It wasn't until Neji came to the deserted Uchiha property that he began to fear for the worst. If Sasuke was with his cousin... No. It was _impossible_. After all the death threats his family had sent him, there was no _way _he could be so stupid as to break their mutual agreement...

But then again, this _was _Sasuke. The same Sasuke that would've been killed twenty-something times over if it hadn't been for Naruto who, Neji believed, was an even BIGGER idiot than the Uchiha.

Racing faster, Neji was forty yards away from Sasuke's house. He saw two presences in the building. By the time he reached the front door, he was breathing heavily as blood and adrenaline pulsed through his veins. He fists rapped on the entry in accord with the intensity of his heartbeat.

Sasuke shouldn't have opened the door. At least without looking through the damn peephole first. (_One doesn't have to be a talented shinobi to know these things.) _Lo and behold, there stood Neji, red-faced, with steam coming from his ears and nose.

_'Oh shit, you're SO DEAD!' _muttered Inner Chibi Sasuke, assessing the murderous glare the Hyuuga genius gave them from the doorway. Neji's Byakugan was activated, and there was a slight twitch in his lip as the older teen bared his teeth and gave out a feral growl that surprised them all.

**"WHAT THE HELL IS MY COUSIN DOING HERE?"** Neji finally bellowed, chest heaving as he choke-slammed the unsuspecting Uchiha against a wall in the blink of an eye, knocking the air from his lungs.

Hinata dropped the tray she was carrying and was at Neji's side in an instant, trying her hardest to loosen his grip on Sasuke's throat. "Nii-san!" she cried desperately. "What are you doing? Let go! You're hurting him!"

When she saw that her efforts were futile and her cousin was squeezing even _tighter_, her hands flurried into action.

"F-forgive me, Nii-san... I have no other choice..." she said boldly, as Neji's seal began to glow from behind his forehead protector.

**"OSUWARI!"**

And just like that, Neji's posterior affixed itself to the floor, and he, in his surprise, released his hold on Sasuke's neck.

As he gasped in the much-needed oxygen, Hinata carefully checked him over for any internal injuries. Despite the fact that he had nearly died, Hinata's fingers were like heaven as they ghosted over his skin. Her touch sent him into a frenzy, but he willed himself to stay calm. He briefly looked to the side to where Neji lay. Neji was an absolute MESS.

The raven-haired teen replayed what had happened a few seconds ago and couldn't believe what he had just witnessed.

As Neji recovered from his attack, he realized that his own cousin had allowed Sasuke to see his one true weakness... the shame that he bore as a member of the Branch Family.

_Flashback: Day Neji received the Juin Seal_

_There was a knock on his shouji door before it slid open, revealing the calm look of his father._

_"Musuko (Son), it's time to go."_

_Hizashi took his son by the hand and led him through one of the many hallways of the Hyuuga Main house. The two stopped in front of the Council room, where Hiashi and many of the Clan elders were seated._

_"Hiashi-aniki, Neji is ready," he said. _

_Neji whimpered, he was scared. Hizashi placed his hands upon his boy's shoulders. "You must always be brave, Son." _

_Hiashi gave his brother an apologetic look as he placed a glowing hand upon his nephew's forehead. Neji winced at the pain and rubbed annoyingly at it once the ritual was over. _

_Receiving the Seal was just about as annoying as receiving a mosquito bite!_

_"Otou-sama, what are you and Nii-chan doing?" a curious Hinata asked, as she watched everything from behind an ancient woven tapestry._

_Hiashi chided the girl. "Hina-hime, I thought I told you to not come into this room!"_

_His daughter blushed, flailing her arms in confusion. "But Otou-sama, I wanted Nii-chan to play with me and I couldn't find him anywhere!"_

_The Council elders chuckled quietly. 'Oh, that Hina-hime! She's so cute!' they each thought._

_Pretty soon, the itching became unbearable and Neji's eyes watered in frustration._

_"Otou-sama, why is Nii-chan crying?" Hinata approached her cousin, observing the odd marking on his face. "Did Nii-chan get an owwie? How? I'll fix it and make it better." And with that, she kissed the seal, opened up the little silk purse her mother gave her, and placed a Hello Kitty bandage on top of it._

_Fortunately, Hinata had only moments ago brushed her teeth, and whatever minty residue was left on her lips transferred over to the seal, giving it a refreshing tingle._

_"All better, Nii-chan?" she asked hopefully._

_Neji wiped his eyes and nodded, smiling. "Nn, all better, Hinata-sama."_

_"Otou-sama," she started, placing her hands on her hips. "I don't want anyone to get hurt like this anymore, okay?" She took Neji's hand and dragged him back into the kitchen to serve him an ice cream sundae._

_The older men in the room all stared at each other, all baffled by what the four-year old had said. And simply because Hinata never asked for much, they complied with her wishes and never branded anyone with the Juin Seal ever again. _

_(Another year later, Hinata asked why the families had to live in two different houses and upon her insistence, the houses were connected through a multi-million dollar expansion.) _

_Hiashi and Hizashi crossed their fingers. Hopefully no one would order Neji around within the next three minutes, otherwise the Seal would become active..._

_Back in the kitchen, Hinata was standing tiptoe on a stool, looking at the Hyuuga ice cream inventory. "Nii-chan, we have vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, orange sherbet... Ungh!" she cried out, as her fingers wiggled and stretched out in an attempt to reveal the carton in the back. "I can't reach the last one!" she pouted._

_"Here, Hinata-sama, I'm taller. I'll help you," her cousin offered._

_"No! I can do it by myself! Nii-chan, please go to the couch and SIT!"_

_Neji's knees suddenly buckled from underneath him. After Hinata grabbed her father and uncle to have them explain what had just happened, there was a mutual agreement between Neji and the Clan that his seal would only activated whenever he refused to rest or eat._

_End flashback._

"Hinata-sama," Neji wheezed, hurt evident in his voice at his cousin's betrayal. "How could you do that? And in front of an UCHIHA?"

"N-nii-san... I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to- I- I just couldn't stop you..." she whispered, unable to face her cousin at the present moment.

Her cheeks were tinged pink in shame... she hated to admit it, but despite the fact that Neji had nearly annihilated a fellow member of their village, the look on Neji's face every time she or her father "SAT" Neji was priceless!

Seconds later, Hinata burst into a fit of giggles. Neji huffed.

"It's not funny, Hinata-sama," he grumbled, crossing his arms in annoyance.

"Oh, Nii-san... You're right... It's not very funny at all!" she cried, holding her aching sides.

Sasuke watched with rapt fascination as her giggling caused her pleasure pillows to bounce just inches above his face. And to think, moments ago he almost had her cha-chas in his grasp... _'If that bastard weren't here, we could just get started with our lesson!' _he groused.

He soon began to observe the interaction between his soon-to-be sex kitten and her cousin as they went to the kitchen to clean up the overturned bowls and dishes. As Hinata walked past him with a few rags and soapy water to clean the dining room floor, Sasuke made his way towards the sink where Neji was washing a few dishes upon Hinata's insistence.

"Hyuuga."

"What do you want, Uchiha?" he sneered, not particularly enjoying the insolent smirk that marred Sasuke's face.

Sasuke looked over at Hinata, who was on her knees scrubbing, giving him a good view of her pretty delectable rear. "I'm going to be spending some time with Hinata, and you're going to make sure no one gives us any... distractions."

Neji's face hardened, and he nearly bent the handle of the cast-iron skillet that was in his hand. "The hell you will, you traitorous asshole."

"Ah, ah, ah, Neji-_kun_," he taunted, tapping over the mark of the Juin Seal. "_I _know something the rest of Konoha doesn't..."

Neji tried to call his bluff. "You're trying to blackmail me? Fuck you," he spat.

_'Actually, your cousin's going to be doing that pretty soon,' _Sasuke thought with a smile, a smile that further upset the man standing before him. Neji frowned as he returned to harshly scouring the pots and pans, imagining they were Sasuke's image he was rubbing out.

"Neji."

The Hyuuga prodigy looked up and blanched.

The jutsu that had been performed earlier was finalized as the Avenger signed the last three animals... Boar... Bird... DOG.

Damn Sharingan-users and their copy techniques...

"O-su-wa-ri," Sasuke jeered, waving his finger like a baton for every syllable in the word.

Neji collapsed onto the linoleum floor in disbelief. That dirty Uchiha! Neji's pride as an ANBU captain, his pride as a Hyuuga, no, his pride as a **man** was at stake. If anyone in Konoha learned that his disciplinary word was something as degrading as a _dog command_, he wouldn't hear the end of it!

Once the jutsu wore off, Sasuke extended a hand to lift Neji up, but he refused to take it. He watched as the Hyuuga rinsed the final dish and dried his hands on a nearby towel and ignored the way Neji bodily shoved him aside to meet Hinata in the living room.

"Hinata-sama, are you ready? Everyone's been waiting for you back at home."

"But what about Sasuke-senpai's dinner?" she called out to her cousin, who was moving towards the door.

"That's okay, Hinata-chan. You should head back. It's getting late."

Neji was waiting impatiently outside.

"But the training..."

"We can reschedule it."

"But..."

"Don't worry. I won't forget," he winked.

Hinata offered him a bright smile as she walked out of his place. When they got past the gate, Hinata shivered, realizing that she had left an article of clothing behind.

"I forgot my vest, Nii-san..."

Neji went back to retrieve it for her.

Sasuke was waiting for him, vest in tow. "So?"

"I train with Hinata-sama in the early afternoon from 2 until 5. I'll take her to the forest. It'll give you three hours. That's all I'll be able to get you before suspicions get raised," he grumbled, hating himself for giving in to his demands. He felt a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn't know what his intentions were. "But if ANYTHING happens to her..."

"Trust me. Nothing bad is going to happen to her. She'll be in good hands."

The Hyuuga said something incoherent and made his way towards his cousin. Sasuke looked at Neji's retreating back and saw Hinata wave him goodbye.

_'My hands.'_

With that lingering thought in his mind, Sasuke sauntered into his bedroom, dressed down to his boxers, grabbed the pile of porn movies he kept underneath his bed, popped one into his DVD player, and turned off all the lights in his house. He relaxed into the couch cushions, wrapped his hand around his love missile, and studied the actors on the screen intently, taking mental notes as the tomoe in his eyes began to spin lazily.

In less than sixteen hours, Uchiha Sasuke was going to wow Hyuuga Hinata with his sexual prowess.

In less than sixteen hours, Uchiha Sasuke would lose his virginity to the woman of his hentai dreams.

In less than sixteen hours, Uchiha Sasuke would become...

A **man**.

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_Sorry it took so long to update! I hope it was worth the wait... (It probably wasn't.) Hopefully things will spice up by the next chapter. _

_Until then, ja ne! _


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